What I wish someone had told me about a traditional Thai massage

This is actually a post I wrote a while back for a company’s blog that never ended up launching. But this coming weekend I’m headed to the L.A. Times Travel Show, where I (almost a year ago now, ack!) was invited to go on my first press trip. So in honor of that fond memory from last year, I’m sharing this post now…

A little over a month ago I found myself, rather unexpectedly, in Thailand for a press trip with the Tourism Authority of Thailand (TAT). Before the trip, TAT sent me an itinerary with a list of the activities for our eight-day adventure. While gold-leafed palaces and night markets sounded like fun, I was most excited about what was on the agenda for our very first day, a traditional Thai massage!

After a morning of traipsing through the complex of jeweled buildings that is the Grand Palace, our group arrived at the RarinJinda Spa for our massage. We were greeted by women handing us sweet juice and comfy slippers. Next, they ushered us away to have our feet washed and scrubbed with herb-infused water. Feet cleaned, it was finally time to start the best part.

RarinJinda Spa
My comfy “pad on the floor” and luxurious pillows…which I would later discover were not only meant for my head.

We were each escorted to a room with a thick mattress on the floor and given an outfit of loose pants and shirt. I changed into my absurdly large pants and shirt and plopped myself down on the mattress.  A small older Thai woman began kneading my calves and shins. (For those who have not had their legs, specifically their shins, “kneaded” before, it’s an acquired taste—and one that I have yet to acquire.)  She then moved down to my feet and toes and began doing a strange series of toe-pulls and fist pounding on my feet. (I should also mention here that I’m extremely ticklish. So trying to lay still and not twitch like a dying lizard was nearly impossible for me during this part.)

Because I wasn’t already having a hard enough time relaxing, let alone not laughing/crying, this small Thai woman had me sit up and began straddling my back. From this stance, she started contorting my limbs in positions never, in my opinion, intended for the human body. Then all of the sudden the personal-bubble-invasion-alarm went off in my head as the woman got in front of me. She squished her tiny foot into my groin and pulled on my leg with all of her might. (I’d like to remind you that as I said before, my pants were way too big, which means that as she pulled, my leg wasn’t the only thing that I thought might pop off…)

I endured some additional pulling, pounding, and strange hand clapping on my back before the whole event was over. I walked out of the massage unsure of whether or not I was relaxed or dead. About an hour later though, I realized that I was actually feeling quite refreshed—and thankfully, not dead.

Victory is mine! I just survived my first Thai massage. (Note the insanely large outfit.)

All said and done, it turns out that I came to rather enjoy this bizarre form of relaxation-meets-torture. In fact, over the next eight days, I indulged (and at only $15 for an hour and a half, who wouldn’t?!) in quite a few more Thai massages. But here’s what I wish someone had told me in the beginning: Don’t head to a Thai massage with the expectation of a deep Swedish rub down. Come prepared to be poked and tickled, twisted and pounded—and to have a strangely relaxing Thai experience.

Here’s my card, now take me to Thailand! – How I got invited on my first press trip

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This April, I, quite unexpectedly, ended up spending 10 days in Thailand. And not just any 10 days, 10 free days (I mean, not to brag or anything). The occasion for my visit was this nifty (and by nifty I mean, “Why the hell didn’t I know about this sooner?!”) little thing called a “FAM trip” (also often referred to as a “press trip”).

Now when I say the trip was unexpected, I totally mean it. And just to prove my point, here’s the quick (a.k.a. perhaps not so quick) play by play (and in some cases, second by second) of how I was invited in the first place.

Sometime in early March…

Alexandra, recently unemployed, decides to apply for a travel writing “position.”  (I use the word “position” lightly as it was more a, “Here, work hard and don’t get paid” sort of thing.)

Two weeks later…

Alexandra decides not to be lazy on a Saturday and goes to the Los Angeles Times Travel and Adventure Show.

That Saturday at the Travel and Adventure Show…

Not gonna lie, I loved getting to have a media pass. In fact, I pretty much sported that pass like I was a rapper and it was my bling bling.

11:00 AM: Alexandra stupidly picks up too many pamphlets, books, and goodies and realizes that she has no way to carry everything.

11:15 AM: Alexandra sees that the Tourism of Thailand’s booth is giving away free bags. She wants one.

11:19 AM: Alexandra tries to get a bag. She fails. (…Primarily due to the fact that they apparently didn’t have any bags in the first place. Which to this day still leaves me totally confused on what it was then that I thought I saw them handing out.)

11:21 AM: No hope at a bag, Alexandra decides to leave a business card and tell them that she is a prolific, world famous travel writer that no one yet knows about. (World famous and yet unknown, weird contradiction, I know. But *sigh* I guess that’s just the life of being awesome.)

11:23 AM: The man Alexandra is talking to (clearly not believing Alexandra’s explanation about her status as a famous unknown travel writer) passes her off to a woman named Pbody. (Names have been changed for privacy sake and cool factor.)

11:25 AM: Alexandra tries again to explain that she’s famous and amazing. Pbody believes her. (…Or at least that’s the story I’m sticking with.)

11:28:00 AM: Pbody goes on and on about how amazing Thailand is and tells Alexandra that she should go.

11:28:45 AM: Alexandra replies with a, “Sheesh, it sounds so cool! I hope I make it there someday!”

11:29:00 AM: Pbody tells Alexandra, “Ok, well we’re going to Bangkok, Pattaya, and Chiang Mai. We just need your answer by Monday.”

11:29:07 AM: Alexandra, now totally confused, reverts to operation “Smile and Nod.”

11:29:15 AM: Pbody ignores Alexandra’s confusion (either that, or I unknowingly employed my awesome spy skills and covered it up with ninja-like craftiness) and proceeds to explain that, “Of course, everything will be covered. All we ask in return is at least one article.”

11:29:37 AM: Alexandra, still entirely uncertain of what Pbody is actually talking about, awkwardly chuckles, says, “thanks” and walks away.

Ten minutes later…

Alexandra is visiting another booth and all of the sudden realizes that Pbody just invited her to go to Thailand, for free.

Two minutes later…

Alexandra faints. (But not really.)

*Note: The hours, minutes, and seconds listed above are subject to total inaccuracy and complete made-up-ness.

That all happened on Saturday. I spent Sunday contemplating the sanity of Pbody. And on Monday I decided I didn’t care if I thought Pbody was crazy, I was going to Thailand, and going for free.

…This decision of course opened up a whole ‘nother can(s) of worms, such as figuring out just what in the world a “FAM trip” was, breaking the news to my family (which shouldn’t have been a big deal, but it was), and realizing that, “Sweet woolies! I actually have to write something ‘real’ now.”

…But I’m saving the tale of those “wormy” little treats for another post…

In the meantime…

Though they look somewhat like tiny ants in this picture, those are travel gurus Kelly Merritt, Johnny Jet, George Hobica, and Mary Forgione sitting up at the table hosting Q&A time during the budget travel forum.

I feel that this is the appropriate moment at which to mention a bit about the Los Angeles Times Travel and Adventure Show. However, the problem is, the only thing that really sticks out in my mind about the show is that well, uh duh, I got invited to Thailand. …But ok, fine, I’ll admit that I do also remember meeting loads of awesome people representing countries and travel companies from all over the world. I also picked up some neato-frito tips on budget-friendly traveling (which I’ll perhaps share in a future post) during forums with cool travel gurus such as Kelly Merritt, Johnny Jet, George Hobica, and Mary Forgione.

And aside from meeting great travel people and getting invited to Thailand, probably the most memorable part of that day for me (and perhaps also for anyone else who walked by me and thought, “Lord help that child” once noticing the commit-me-worthy, slap-happy expression on my face) was gloating (yeah, can’t lie, I did a little gloating) in the success of my “networking” efforts that day. So, allow me to offer a piece of tried and true advice…

From Indonesia to Botswana and beyond, there were representatives from hundreds of countries at this year's travel show. ...A prime time to do some quality networking!

Embrace the art of networking. All of the trips I’ve been invited on in the last year and plan on getting invited on (*wink wink*) in the years to come have been/will be via networking. You meet someone, who knows someone, who knows the Queen of England and before you realize it you’re having high tea with Prince Harry (he of course is the only ideal pick at the moment as he is the only member of the royal family still available for me to marry. Unless… Haha, just kidding, Kate. Sort of…).  So rockstar traveler to rockstar traveler, get your hiney off the couch, put down the tub of ice cream (or send it to me, especially if it’s mint chocolate chip), and go out and meet some people—and get invited to travel the world.

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